THE TWO GIFTS FOR PARENTS

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I was going through my gReader this evening and was reading an entry at the Reality 101 Blog.  It is a good read and something that I needed to read tonight.  I started to write a comment and it has turned into words that I don’t want to loose, as I have so many other comments I have left on other blogs

Please read Katie’s entry on – In Praise of Parents

http://cecblog.typepad.com/cec/2009/12/katie-in-praise-of-parents.html

In her last paragraph she states:

Now I have to go find some adorable and meaningful gifts for the kiddos to make as holiday gifts for their parents — to help me let them know how thankful I am!

This was my response:

Katie – I am a parent of a former Special Education student and am currently a Special Education Teacher. I have been reading the Reality 101 blog for a couple weeks now and hope that you and your peers remain in Special Education for many years, we need your enthusiasm and vision.

I found the best THANK YOU from any of my daughters teachers – ESPECIALLY her Special Education teachers, was for them to remain honest regarding my child’s education and advocate for the services actually needed by my child. 

Parents understand that in reality this will be difficult at times and sometime you may not be able to be honest at the official meeting (just quiet), without endangering your livelihood. In order to help my child please do the following:

1.  Take the time to talk to me, not at me.  I am not _________’s Dad, I am either Mr. ______ or use my name.  Don’t insult me by depersonalizing me or diminishing the parent’s importance in your communications or meetings.  If you get to know you and I learn I can trust you, I am very easy to work with.  I am an individual just like you, who does not deserve to be stereotyped as your student’s Mom or Dad, anymore than you want to be stereotyped as one of those special education teachers (small letters on purpose).

2.  Behind closed doors, before the official meeting discuss what you believe is right and what my child actually needs with the administrators.  Be articulate, be prepared for that meeting, ask me for my help – I might be able to help you with pertinent information. If you are unable to persuade them to what my child needs, that is okay.  It then becomes my responsibility to take the battle to the next level not yours. 

3.  Do not play Donn Quixote and tilt at the windmills.  You have to learn which battles to fight and which battles to retreat from.  I need you back in the classroom teaching and advocating for my child on the educational side of the fence, not working someplace else. 

4. Remember you are changing lives at school and home.  What you do for ill or good carries over for the lifetime of my child.  Please try to do good as much as in your power.

Many would say these are part of a Special Educator’s job and to a point I agree, it is when you choose to do it when I am disagreeable, intimidated by the system or just tired of fighting life’s battles of which this is just one.  That is how you say thank you to a parent.

I write that part as the parent of a discharged Special Education student, who did graduate from high school.  That is how several Special Education Teachers said thank you to me. 

I admit at times I was not the most pleasant person to be around and one year we had PET’s every two weeks for almost four months.   Those Special Educators who still greeted me with a smile and some quick advice before the administrators got there or while on the phone, those teachers provided me their thank you each time they helped me and my daughter.  I now know what I put those Special Educators through, but my daughter received the services she needed to receive her education, but only with those Special Educators help.

As a fellow Special Educator

If you take points 1-4 and be honest with your students, fellow teachers (both regular and special education), administrators and others you come into contact with to advocate for their child, you will provide your student’s parents a gift they will remember.

I know a bit maudlin but ‘tis the season. 

The two gifts for parents are:

• Honesty
• Advocacy

I wish you well in your adventures in special education there is no work in the world that can be so frustrating, tiring, and exhilarating, all in the span of a minute

This wasn’t the reply I originally expected, but something happened and the words just flowed out of my fingers…hopefully they make some sense.  I just have to remember them and that is why I wanted them in my blog, it is easier to find them when I run into that “parent” that I need to keep saying thank you to even when it would be easier not to.

Remember it is about the child, not you or I.